In Memory of Caroline Louise Flack

9th November 1979 – 15th February 2020

The send off she truly deserved.

Dear Dan,

Please understand that this is completely personal. You have every right to be offended and I hope you are. You and your blood sucking cronies on the showbiz news desks at The Sun and The Daily Mail, are scum.

You’re all murdering scum. This is your judgement.  

You have all got blood on your hands. Every single one of you. The ones who wrote the articles, the ones who approved them and the ones at the top who have encouraged it for decades. The tactics you employ and the tricks you use to not only manipulate the British public but everyone in the industry are disgusting. You’re all poisonous snakes and you need to be gotten rid of. You actually break people with your harassment to the point that they end their own life, with your lies and your back stabbing ways. You print highly sensitive and personal information about these people on a daily basis without even a thought as to what it might be doing to their mental health, their well being and their relationships with people they love.

No one in the industry is safe, from the desperate and talentless to the aspiring and talented. From the young, eager and hopeful all the way up to the veterans on our screens. How many have you killed? More than any of you would care to admit, because it’s never your fault that someone has taken their own life is it? You just write the ‘news’ because you think it’s your right and it gives you a purpose. You might not have fired the guns but you loaded them. For years, with your bullets. They penetrate to their deepest insecurities, they mame, they cut and scar someone’s mind, someone’s heart and someone’s soul to devastating effects and life changing consequences. Over and over, getting worse each time until they have nothing left to give. You sit in your offices calling yourselves ‘journalists’. But you’re not, you’re just liars and murderers.

You think you’re doing a good job because someone is paying you and it’s working. It isn’t, it’s ruining society. I’m sure most of you got into journalism in the first instance because you wanted to write interesting and factual pieces about things you were passionate about. Your articles are neither, and you’re giving your industry a bad name. I employ you to become good, honest and thought-provoking journalists who want to spread a better message than the one you are currently spreading. Other journalists need to start calling this out and get behind the message of positivity, kindness and love and put morals before money. This has to be the start of a new way of doing things otherwise we’ll spiral as a society into a pit of darkness.

You prey on the weak and the weak minded. You pretend you are doing it to build them up and earn their trust so when it’s time, you can cut them down not for love nor money, time and time again. So publicly. So hatefully. You all shed your crocodile tears in February last year over someone you broke. Writing your articles and doing your podcasts claiming you were her friends. Reliving memories for social media engagement, clicks and fake sympathy. You had no right. You still have no right.

You may have known her; you may have even had fun when you were together but you weren’t her friends. Friends don’t do that to one another. If anyone tries to stop you, you threaten them with powerful lawyers and spread more lies to the public about them. You think you’re untouchable and you will continue to act this way unless someone stops you.

You claim the garbage you publish is in the ‘Public’s Interest’ but it is clear that you have completely forgotten the definition of this and are willing to spread such toxic gossip that is nobody’s business and that deep down, nobody really cares about. Celebrities and famous people may seem like they have it all but they don’t, they’re the same as you, they just have a different life. When they feel at their lowest it’s no different than when anyone else feels at theirs. You think they have it all but like you, all they want is what the heart so desperately desires. Happiness, laughter, good memories, good people, privacy and love.

Unlike you however, they have to put up with millions of other opinions and judgements from some truly hateful people. Is it any surprise that suicide is so common these days? The way we treat each other is hideous. We are nasty, spiteful and jealous individuals who crave a life of materialism because it’s all we are shown on all our screens.  When the human race was developing it did through compassion, tighter social bonds and positivity. Look how far we have come and look where we’re heading, how we’re acting, how we treat each other. With our spikey judgements over the internet and personal digs at people when they are at their lowest.

You took everything I ever wanted that I could hold away from me Dan. Everything I ever wanted. Every headline, every article and every lie. They chipped away at us more and more, every time. No couple can sustain that, no matter how much they love each other. Of course, we weren’t in for a shot, you didn’t give us a chance. You made us distrust each other, lie to each other, resent each other and hate each other. The girl I loved more than life itself, who I shared a puppy with that I loved unconditionally. Every day that dog isn’t in my life, it pains me. I had to say goodbye to both of them because of the mindless gossip you and your colleagues spread. What right did you have to think that was okay? You killed her, all of you, you’ve been killing her for years. Taking her trust, taking her love and taking her soul away from her. Who are we without our souls?

It’s my firm belief that the news will eventually see the light of day where Dan Wootton is outed as the predatory male he is and so many rumours claim it. Because I suspect it’ll come out soon. I wanted to be the one that gave you the exclusive on it. Everyone knows it Dan, they’re all just too scared to say it because of what you will say about them. Well, they say the most dangerous creation in the world, is a man who has nothing to lose. I have nothing to lose Dan. So, bring your lawyers and your threats and see how much you get. I may be poor in possessions and wealth that you can try and take. But I’m rich in so many things. Life changing memories, amazing family and the best friends and they love me for me. I have a mind filled with the craziest stories and the best experiences and nothing but love in my heart left to give. You can’t take any of that away from me Dan. Looks like its destination bankrupt for me. 

Dan Wootton is a sex predator who uses his power to try and get what he wants and doesn’t care who he hurts. There, I said it. You should be fired Dan, from all of your ventures with immediate effect, with no compensation and your voice should be taken away forever.

Certain people can only keep their mouth shut for so long. When he makes his move on unsuspecting and eager ‘journalists’ most of them go with it, but the ones who don’t, they’re the ones who go to HR and file a complaint, they then get paid and promoted just to be silenced so the abuse can continue. Do the initials A.F. mean anything to you Dan? Look at all the people in similar positions of power to you, you all abuse your power by abusing others who are too scared or weak to say no. You are no different. The world is changing Dan, it’s finally waking up and people like you are being outed.

You see Dan, I had the displeasure of meeting you on a few occasions and every time I met you all I felt was desperate, fake and nasty energy coming from you. You aren’t a good person. No one will do anything about you because you’re too powerful Dan. But powerful people like yo, like Weinstein. You’ll all have your day in court.

When the outer becomes the outed, how the tables have turned.

You, Clemmie Moodie, Sarah Packer, Victoria Newton and everyone else behind the headlines. You’re all abusers. You should be ashamed of the culture you’ve created and the victims you’ve caused. If you live with even a tenth of the guilt I live with on a daily basis, this was all worth it. I hate you all. But over time, my hate for you will fade to indifference and when that happens you’ll all feel like victims, like your world is falling apart and you have nothing more to give. Like she felt before you tied that noose around her neck.

Alas, you weren’t the only tormentors in Caroline’s complex life. You just created it, encouraged it and fed the narrative for so long. The Star, Mirror, Heat  magazine, OK Magazine, Graham Norton, Lorraine Kelly, Loose Women, Phil and  Holly and Lizzy Cundy. All you gossipers. Change your ways and just be more kind about people. Everyone of you should be ashamed of yourself. Clean up your acts or go away. 

Love Island colleagues. I liked you a lot. She loved you all. Love Island was her baby. She made it what it was. She defended it against everything, even the toxic and devastating occurrences. Your show has already claimed 4 lives. Yet all I see is speculation as if you are considering bringing it back. Give it up. It was good while it lasted but now people are dying. Why is this show not being investigated. How do you intend on keeping these kids from getting hurt if you can’t stop the presenter from hurting herself. I feel sorry for all the staff and the contestants she met from that show. I know they would have been sad last year and will be sad this year. She loved every single one of you but she thought some of you were twits. But I’m saying this.

You’re young, aspiring and good looking people, educate yourself further than just working out, make-up tutorials and selling clothes no one needs and fraudulent supplements that just give you diarrhea. Christ. Keep doing what you are doing, but do it better, with a better message. With honesty, compassion and love not materialism and fake mindfulness. Most of you are likely to be a little shook up about all this crazy TV show stuff. I know I was and it’s mad. If any of you want a chat, get in touch a therapist. You never know when the final straw will snap.  But realise that with a large following comes great responsibility. You have a responsibility to every single person who follows you. All you seen to show them is a life they will never have and it’s making them think their life is bad. This goes out to all you influences and all you blue ticks. Be better. Why do you need to fake it to make it. Bring your A game and a smile and no one cares. If they don’t love you for you, they aren’t going to buy your laxatives. They all look up to you. Please change your ways just even a little. Dream big. But all you dream for is more likes and followers. 

Jesus only had 12. Stay humble. 

I find unfollowing the blue ticks was a real life changer for me. Give it a go. 

Dr Alex deserves a knighthood for the graft he has put in this year. While his mates were getting drunk in Dubai and sunburned. Having fun at the expense of our chilren while he is trying our grandparents. I know where I’d rather be. She’d be very proud of you Alex. She said you were special before you were even on TV. Well done.

All you sexy wannabes, try harder to inspire these kids in these dark times, you don’t have to become a doctor just put your message out there in hope for a better TOMORROW.  Make a pledge to yourself.

ITV, her employers. You let her take every bit of bad press for that show. 3 people died, and she had to stand by it. How was that likely going to make her feel. 

Yet you protected Ant and you protected Phil from their career changing mistakes that you covered with injunctions. But you didn’t protect her. Instead you  made her quit and you replaced her with her friend. You took her baby from her. She loved that show.  

How is Love Island still on after 4 people have died. How many more have been suicidal because of it. How many more Sophies, Aarons and Mikes do we need to bury before you bury the show. You should be investigated for the sake of good ethics. Why can’t you do a Reality TV show about interesting, intelligent, aspiring and strong willed people and see how well it does. I think you’d be surprised. Wake up. 

ITV you let her down for so many years. Caroline found out she’d been sacked from the X-factor, from the front page of The Sun newspaper. You cowards never told her. That crippled her. 

I won’t discuss my thoughts on her management team and colleagues in any depth because they also had a lot to put up with and she loved you all like family. But you all let her down, you all betrayed her trust and you didn’t protect her. She deserved better.

Alex, I’m singling you out because I don’t like you. You’re a rat. You were a dagger in her back. You told your friends at The Sun some incredibly personal information time and time again and you made her believe it was for her own good. “If you’re not being talked about, you’ll be forgotten.” What kind of message is that to tell someone with her level of insecurities? “Never complain, never explain”. Need I say more? Well this is my complaint. I am explaining it for her. I know you’ve not had the easiest of lives so just try and be the best version of yourself you can be, everyday and you’ll soon get better. Make TOMORROW a better day for you. 

You should all hang your heads in shame. 

I really hope this message gets out there so Caroline can be the face of change for such a toxic industry. What a nice end to a beautiful and tragic story. How many more people have to die? How many families ruined, christmasses, birthdays, anniversaries. It’s hideous. 

I would take great joy in tearing down the system that tore the woman I loved down in glorious fashion. My anger towards you all will also fade when things start to change.

Any company out there that endorses or sponsors The Sun or the Daily Mail, ITV & Love Island needs to re-evaluate what they are doing. Boycott them for the sake of our futures and the future generations until they clean up their act. If you don’t your customers should boycott you. We claim to be environmentally friendly for the sake of a brighter future, this is no different, the only problem is we can’t see it and no one is willing to say it. I implore you to think ethically about where you spend your advertising budgets with such unethical brands. They are so detrimental to our lives and will only lead to a darker future for so many.

Readers of The Sun and The Daily Mail, please think twice about buying that paper, clicking that link and engaging in their hate, if not forever just for a week. Take a break and challenge yourself to read something else for a change. You never know, you might enjoy it. Delete the app for a week, unfollow and unsubscribe to their hurtful and hateful voices, just for one week. We need them to feel the pinch, so they can see that we still care and we still have a voice against hate, prejudice and dishonesty. As individuals and as a community. 

How much is it really worth to you? These celebrities have no idea what they got themselves involved in and get swept into a life nobody could describe. The last thing they need is to be living in fear. Just stop clicking on their click bait articles and it stops. They will adapt to our wants, let’s not not sustain theirs. Behind that post, that headline and that revealing story is a person, with a life, with a soul and with family and friends who love them. How do you think they feel?

How would you feel?

Just imagine it was you or your family member who had to read such negative, finger pointing and personal stuff about someone you loved for so long. These articles are littered with comment feeds with some of the most hateful comments anyone could read about themselves. There is no reason to hate someone you haven’t met, or don’t know. We aren’t born with hate, we learn to hate. These newspapers are teaching us and our children to hate. Some of you go out of your way to personally attack people by direct message like you have some sort of right to do so. Your are all just monkeys trapped in a glass kingdom, throwing poo at each other through piece of glass and wires. You have never met them, what did they actually do to affect your life in such a negative way, that you feel the need to bring them down and make them feel hurt and alone?

Just because you have the tools to say what you want to, it doesn’t give you the right to do so.

People are dying, it’s that serious. Not one, not two but so many and if we don’t start changing our behaviours as consumers and suppliers to these organisations and media giants. Not to mention how we interact with social media. Things will only get worse because their tactics are getting worse. They stalk the lives of people wanting to live their own life in privacy away from the limelight on a daily basis. To be able to make mistakes in private, like you reading this can do so frequently. You’re so lucky to have that privilege. Don’t take it for granted.

Paparazzi wait with their long lens cameras from a distance like packs of wolves. Circling like vultures. Waiting to get the least flattering photos they can so they can sell them to the highest bidder, only to be made into a story filled with negative opinion and gossip about them. If someone you didn’t like stood outside your house taking photos of you and harassed you on a daily basis, would you stand for it? No, you’d call the police and that person would be cautioned and stopped. But when they call themselves paparazzi, it becomes okay.

They use source quotes from two faced ‘friends’, publicists, managers and colleagues or they just outright lie. These ‘journalists’ claim to be friends with these people, only to leave them high and dry when there’s a story too juicy not to publish. A story that takes their name through mud. All of the showbiz ‘journalists’ will never stop. So, surely it must come down to us to stop you.

Some celebrities are no better. You encourage it. You claim you hate it but you don’t. You set up paparazzi shots, you give them interviews and gossip about people who are meant to be your friends to them. For entertainment. For money. It’s gross. While you still engage them, they won’t go away. The problem is most of you need them to stay relevant because most of you are too talentless without them. When did likes and fake approval become more valued than self-respect, dignity and a good moral compass?

We all know someone who has committed suicide and it’s absolutely tragic and on so many occasions, so unnecessary. The problem is only getting worse, so start getting used to it. Unless we start making changes to our day to day lives it will continue to spiral. While there are media organisations like The Sun and The Daily Mail out there contributing to and profiting from it in the way they do with the power they have.

It will not go away. 

Not to mention they are making everybody a little bit more stupid. Why do we care about the stuff they tell us? Is it really even that interesting? They have brainwashed us into thinking it is, with their eye-catching headlines and speculation about someone who joins us in our living rooms, for an hour a week via our televisions. 

It takes strength and will power but you’ll soon feel better for it by just tuning them out. Alone we aren’t much good in this world, but together we are more powerful than any organisation. Together we can do this. 

It starts with you and it ends with you. A single snowflake can’t take credit for the avalanche. Small changes in your habits will not only improve your life it may also ensure some people get to keep theirs. It’ll give people more time to enjoy this beautiful planet and all the good souls in it, even for a few more years. Families will remain fuller and memories will remain fonder. You never know when it could be a relative of yours. A brother, a sister or even a child.

We are in a very strange times at the moment and I’m not talking about C*vid. There are great negative powers at work in this world that are darkening the light ahead for so many. It comes down to us as individuals to try and make it a better and brighter place for ourselves, our children and the generations to come. The people with all the money don’t want it to change, don’t you get it? They like it. It’s just small changes. This will not stop if we don’t find it in ourselves to stop it. I implore you and would be eternally grateful if you could take it upon yourself to tune out of them. As I am sure many of the families who have lost, and the ones that are yet to lose, someone they love, would appreciate it too.

We’re all in this together. Little changes now, lead to big changes in future. You have the power to say enough is enough. Together changes tomorrow.

Please go out of your way today to check up on a few people you may not have spoken to in a while. They may be going through a harder time than you think. Sometimes, just a quick phone call is all it takes to give some the strength to see, that TOMORROW may just be a better day.

For anyone struggling, there are good and sensitive people out there who just want to listen, they won’t judge you, but I promise you, they will help. Call – 116 123 – it’s free, so you have no excuse. You owe it to yourself, you beautiful person. TOMORROW could be the best day of your life, but it’s down to you to make that happen. Go and make it happen!

TOMORROW is the 1-year anniversary of Caroline’s death, the person I loved more than anyone I ever thought possible. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her, I have some truly incredible memories of her etched on to my mind for eternity. Like every couple, we had our problems. But ours were splashed across the front pages of these papers for your amusement, for your judgement and for your hateful words. It’s no secret Caroline and I had history. We both made some huge mistakes and we both hurt each other deeply. We are only human and that’s sadly what human’s do in life when they are backed into corners by gossip and lies. We lashed out.

The only way forward is to remember your mistakes and learn from them. Try each day to be a better version of yourself than you were yesterday, smile at everyone you see and spread happiness and positivity. Everything else in your life will just naturally improve. I promise you.

Caroline was far from innocent in all of this, she had her insecurities, her troubles and her get ups about life and relationships just like you. Just like I. But we’re still allowed to breathe fresh air and not feel like we have no way out of our darkest times. This was due to the character that was created in her body and the form of her younger and positive self. The witch hunt press, back stabbing people she trusted, blood thirsty managers, employers who left her out to dry and publicists selling personal and degrading stories on her. It was due to users in her life who just took from her. Isn’t life hard enough as it is, without having to deal with all that extra pressure and negativity. 

I did my fair share of nasty, spiteful and hurtful things to her, for reasons I still haven’t fully understood. But there were times in that relationship that I was hurt, I was scared, I was alone and I was paranoid. What is worse, I blamed her for it. The biggest mistake I made was posting a copy of the Non Disclosure Form that her poisonous team made me sign. It isn’t legally binding and I could have got away with saying whatever I wanted to about her darkest secrets and everything that went on between us. But I never would have, not because it’s not my right to but because I don’t want to. The world has enough hate, polarisation and judgement. Her darkest secrets will die with me. So no matter what is said from this point forward about her and I, I will not bite and I will take all your punches for the sake of her legacy, her family and her close friends who must be heartbroken today. Spare them a thought for them and if you are lucky enough to know them, give them a hug from me and tell them I’m truly sorry for not being the best example I could be for the girl we all loved. 

Friends. She loved so many of you like brothers, like sisters. You all brought her so much joy and happiness and memories. The parties, the festivals, the weekends away, the holidays, the award ceremonies and the after parties. I hope you are all coping well. Celebrate her life. Celebrate her legacy. Celebrate her movement. 

Her ex lovers, it wasn’t always welcomed information by me but she spoke so highly of you all. If like me, you knew the real her. I am very sorry for your loss also. She was a wild ride and one of a kind.

Flacks. Your daughter, your sister and your auntie was a phenomenal person in her own way and were lucky enough to see it. You have your memories of her and I have mine. Cherish them. The darker days will brighten when the hate you feel for so many people turns to pity and your revenge turns to satisfaction. Karma will deal with them and cause them a life of pain and regret for eternity. I am truly sorry for your loss. I loved Caroline more than I ever thought, even during the few times I was lucky enough to break down her barriers and get to that gooey centre. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect her from them and myself. 

For my part in what led to the saddest news I have ever known, I will forever be full of regret, I live with the same shame every day of the things I did and the things I said and more the things I  didn’t say. I can assure you whatever you or anybody else thinks of me, I think worse about myself. I will never forgive these things but I can live with them. For the sake of the people who love me if nothing else. But I hope I can use what happened and my mistakes to ensure I never let them happen again. Hopefully one day I will be able to use all I have learned in this short life, to help others in their pursuit of happiness and spread nothing but love and honesty. 

Caroline had a beautiful soul, a perfect smile, a contagious laugh, an interesting story and she had an incredibly complex mind. She had such a unique energy and presence, like nothing I have felt. She was so talented, she was so intelligent, she was so friendly and she was so beautiful. But her heart, that was trapped in barbed wire from all the negativity and judgement she sustained for so long. The times I managed to open that heart and see what was inside it was like nothing I have ever felt.

Caroline and I felt true and painful love for each other that only exists in movies. When it was rough, it was bad but when it was good, it was the most beautiful thing I have witnessed and it filled my heart with nothing but happiness and love. I will always be grateful to you Caroline for showing me that feeling and that’ll never be forgotten. Lying in bed with you and Ruby is still my happy place and I fear it always will be. No article, no comment and no opinion will ever take that away from me.

I will raise a glass to you tonight Caroline, in your honour. I will play our favourite songs and I will party until I drop just like you are here. I will feel your energy flowing through the room and flowing through me. I know you’ll be partying somewhere smiling and cackling like you always did with that honest smile. I’ll see you again one day for one last party. But until then, I have to get a few things off my chest.

Everyone. Please try to turn off your phones, your tablets  and your tvs. Tune out from all your devices and social media accounts. TOMORROW and have a party. Get dressed up. Offline. No cameras. Do it with the people in your house and people on zoom that you love and care about. Do it by yourself if you have to. But do it to the best of your ability. Turn off your notifications, nothing will happen tonight that you will truly miss online but you might never get this moment again. You owe it to yourself. 

Have a party and raise a glass to her and to everyone we’ve lost and everyone we’ve loved. Share memories of love and laughter, with people who weren’t lucky enough to meet them. Dance like they’re in the room, sing like they can hear it and talk to them as if they are listening. Tell them how amazing their impact on your life was, say sorry if you have to or say I forgive you. They aren’t coming back so let’s try and remember them for the great things they were, to so many lucky individuals who met them. Let’s honour them and their memory. Today is a day to celebrate the ones we love. Let’s make TOMORROW a day to celebrate the ones we’ve lost.

May February 15th be our ‘Day of the Dead’ for all eternity. They’re gone, but they’ll never be forgotten. As long as we don’t forget.

If you’re lucky enough to have a furry pet, please show them the time of their lives. Stroke and pet them like it could be your last time, feed them as many treats as you can. Make them sing, make them dance and love them like they’re your everything. You are their everything and you’ll miss them when they are gone. 

Grab your partner and hold them like you’ll never be able to hold them again, have sex like it could be your last time, share your biggest insecurities and build your trust based on love and honesty. You might not get a chance to again. 

But the most beautiful thing about life is in fact death. It’s the only guarantee for all of us, for some it happens sooner and for some later. But the ones who accept it as the inevitable outcome it is, will live the short time we all have, happier, kinder and more willing to make every day count. If we didn’t die, this wouldn’t be fun. Dying makes all of this so much more beautiful. 

We have no idea what happens after we die, so stop worrying. Where we are now, is heaven. We just need to make some changes, start feeling like it is. For all our sakes. 

I have put three links below:

One is a link to a Spotify playlist of music that reminds me of Caroline, the fun and the courageous girl she was to many. Songs filled with memories, meaning, messages of hope, love and happiness. So if nothing else we can stay true to the only type of media, that we can always rely on to have our backs. To make us smile. To make us cry. To make us remember and make us fall in love. 


Caroline loved music, she hogged the mic and tore it up everytime. It became known as CarrieOKE. You decide how your party goes but please listen to a few songs at the top and share the love we once felt for each other. It was magical – Mrs. By Leon Bridges – was our song. If you shut your eyes and just listen you might just understand how I felt and how I still feel about her.

Close all your apps, grab a glass, fill it to the top and raise it high. Drink your drinks and take your drugs as you please on This Day Of The Dead but remember her. Don’t worry  about the hangover, give this to your boss as a doctor’s note. If they don’t understand, they probably aren’t understanding bosses. Celebrate like it could be our last chance. Take the night off from all the noise, all the negativity, all the judgement, all opinion and all the hate. The only people that will be online are sad trolls without a life.  

You’ve earned at least one night off don’t you think? Go on. You deserve it.

The second, is a charity fund in memory of Caroline for her family to do whatever they see fit. Whenever they see fit. They are incredibly charitable people and have complete faith this will go to somewhere she would wanted. On the off chance you’ll like to help me raise awareness for a good cause in her name. Sadly there are a lot of people in our lives who will always need our help throughout this world. It’s only getting worse. I’m not asking for much, just as little as you can spare. Please know, it is going to a worthy cause in the name of a more than worthy woman. You never know when you might just need them yourself.

To finish this on a smile I’m going to try end this with some light hearted fun as the stupid, clown that I will continue to unapologetically be. Myself. So as a poor, tight ar*se Yorkshireman I might have to tap you all up in a few weeks for some help with the legal fees. Joking. But we are all in this together now, be culpable for the change not part of the problem. I can’t give this world much, but what I can give is my word that I will be the best example of a human being I can be, I will spread nothing but love, happiness and acceptance no matter how much money anyone has. They can’t break me. They didn’t make me. I’m bulletproof and I’m finally happy with who I am. Start being happy with who you are.

The third is a petition, to try and make February 15th our ‘Day of the Dead’. An actual day recognised in the calendar that our generation uses to shine a message of hope for a brighter TOMORROW. We can use it to remember the ones we’ve loved, the ones we’ve lost and the ones who helped sculpt us into who we are today. Every single year. We might even get some time off in future. Come on Boris, you tight git. Make it happen. The people need some hope at the moment. 

So put your coats on, and get outside on your front step at 8pm on February 15th, I dare you to make as much noise as you can for as long as you want. To honour our dead, crank your speakers, honk your horns, ring your bells and scream as loud as you can. Sod it, get fireworks. Make it special. Remember them all. Even if you’re the only one doing it, do it loudly and do it proudly. Do it for Sir Captain Tom, do it for Caroline and do it for all your loved ones we’ve lost. They are listening, somewhere.  

Please understand from the bottom of my heart I couldn’t give a damn if my name never gets mentioned again. I have all I need. I am not asking for your sympathy, your recognition, your kind words or your likes. I  won’t do any interviews about her and our secrets will die with me. 

But I would like to continue my ability to talk on my new account @loveandhonesty69. So I can give you my take on all this craziness in the world at the moment. I post much, but I promise when I do. It’ll be worth it.

I have  lived in 12 cities, had 38 jobs, 7 girl friends, many lovers, and travelled many places. I have some seriously cool stories and memories that I would like to share to anyone who is willing to listen. A self proclaimed ladies man and sexual guru. I have loved, I have lost, I have travelled but throughout, I met so many wonderful people who filled me with hope, for so many years of brightness ahead. 

I eat meat, I’m ADHD, I’m skinny fat, lazy, I am a grower not shower and like to drink and do a few drugs now and again. I use soap and water to wash and I brush twice a day. But I say whatever is on my mind. 

I don’t want a blue tick!

They’re pointless. And my word is no more important that anybody else’s. I am the biggest fan of being whoever you want to be for however long you’re lucky enough be it. The best things in life, that really are free. I’m not religious, I’ve just had some crazy spiritual awakenings this past year. And something I can’t explain is telling what to write and what to do. Just through energy.  

But I think I have a few messages of hope from everything I have seen in this short life of mine. This is just the beginning. I want to be able to get a serious, straight and honest message out there, with a light hearted and optimistic twist. Just for hope of a brighter future away from what we are being conned into believing we should be. Just to make old white men ridiculously rich, at our expense. They give us insecurities and negative opinions of ourselves, they keep showing us what a ‘perfect’ life is. They make completely unachievable goals look easy and we hate ourselves when we don’t achieve them. 

I have met some truly amazing people in this world who have all helped carve me into the man I am proud to be today. Through meeting these people, I can honestly say with my hand on my heart, perfection lies within and through small acts of kindness and care, through love and affection it will all be just a little better. Laughter really is the best medicine and I know where ever she is, she is smiling and you can guarantee, she’ll be laughing.

It’s my firm belief that our hearts, our mind and our bodies, are covered in invisible thumb prints. Every interaction with everyone we meet leaves a thumb print. The small ones may just be a reciprocated smile in the street to a stranger, the large may be the love of your life over decades of friendship. The blue represents good energy and interactions and the red, the bad. All we can really do in life is ensure we try our hardest to leave big blue thumb prints all over each other, to lift each other up and to stride to be covered in blue thumb prints ourselves. The more blue thumb prints we can leave, the less space there is for the red ones, and overtime they will fade away. As a Liverpool fan this pains me to say but let’s try and be blue. 

Hold your loved ones close tonight and tell them you love them. If you need to say sorry or say I forgive you, just do it. You never know when it might be too late and I promise you, you’ll wish you had.

All I ask is if you’ve been touched by any element of this, please could you share this message far and wide, for everyone to see. Shout it from the rooftops even if you didn’t know her, even if you didn’t like her and even if your friends don’t do it. Do it in your groups, in your hordes, on your stories, on your feeds. Tag and encourage as many people as you can to see this, no matter their age or their political or religious views. 

In her memory, even for a short space of time, as a sign of hope for a better TOMORROW. Not only because of who she was but what she represents. Change. Please help me get this message out to as many people in her honour, in her name, in the best way we can. As people.

She was so hurt and she didn’t deserve any of this. She really was that one in a billion who I will continue to love and miss until my last day on this weird little waking planet we live on. 

I have faith in you all. Be the change! 

Caroline you were one of a kind. You were so hurt. Tormented for years. Let down by so many people. If only people got to see the real you. Behind closed doors, it would make sense to them all. You taught me so much and made me feel that heroine type love that you can’t escape. Even now. I am so sorry for everything I did and I forgive you for everything you did. I won’t forget you but I need to mend. I hope I don’t have to say any more on the matter.

You deserved the Taj Mahal, a palace in your honour. But instead I thought about trying to tear down the prison they kept you for all those years instead. 

From today, I swear to you I will do my best and be myself.

I hope you can hear it. 

Happy Valentines Day Carrie!!!

May you finally rest in peace x

P.s. You still have the best boobs I have ever seen. 


Thank you all for your attention. If you have got this far, you’re a legend. Now go and make a positive change. Keep spreading love, positivity and keep smiling, TOMORROW is a better day. Let’s celebrate life and death equally and make them proud of who we have become. I’m turning it all off for a bit for some silence. I’ll be in touch.

There you go mum and not a single swear word. I hope you’re proud. 

To quote Eminem Dan, tell these people something they don’t know about me. 

If there is ever a purge or an apocalypse. I’m coming for you. 

See you next tuesday!

@Loveandhonesty69 x


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